Way back when the world began
When God first created man
And woman, a discarded bone,
A frivolous creature who was prone
To folly wrong and evil ways,
History gave her no praise.
But wait a minute, I protest,
I am not at all impressed
At this philosophy, I frown,
It tries to keep good women down.
I propose a counter tale
To tell about the first female.
Her name was Eve and one could say
That she was gifted in every way.
A good brain, she, of course possessed,
To knowledge and wisdom she professed
A dedication, and high esteem,
To know it all, her only dream.
But as it happens so in life
A good woman becomes a wife,
Something borrowed, something blue,
Some big dope without a clue.
A choice, poor Eve, she did not get,
Adam was her only bet
Big on brawn, but low on brain
He was ignorant and vain,
A one track mind he did possess
His only wish was to caress
Eve’s curves and body, not her mind
Just get his hands on her behind,
But often Eve said “Adam, no,
I wish to read, so you must go”,
And left him to his own frustration,
Hence man created masturbation.
Now Satan, was another sod
Who had fallen out with God.
So in the garden of paradise
He decided to entice
One of God’s creatures to disobey,
Eve, the woman, was his first prey.
And in the form of a snake
He tried to convince her to take
The fruit from the forbidden tree
But he did not quite forsee
That Eve was prone to use her reason,
She would never fall to treason.
Soon after Eve had left the scene
Adam, who was still quite keen
To have his way with Eve in bed
Came along, his face was red
From frustrated self restraint,
He nearly fell into a faint,
And Satan knew it wasn’t hard
To catch Adam off his guard.
He said “Your problems I can solve
The answer, here, it does evolve
Around this fruit upon this tree,
Eat this apple and you will be
Rewarded with virility
That will conquer the chastity
Of the woman you desire,
The one that sets your loins on fire,
And no longer will you be vexed
Frustrated, mad or undersexed.”
And being such a brainless brute
Adam delved into the fruit.
Suddenly God came on the scene
Angrier than he’d ever been,
He said “Why did you disobey
My sacred word in such a way”.
Adam said “The fault’s not mine
For I did have no wish to dine
Upon the fruit that is forbidden
The fault lies with the woman, hidden.”
At this time Eve came by
To see what was the reason why
Angry looks were cast her way,
Then she heard Adam say
“There she is the Evil one,
Who has, humanity, undone.”
These accusations she did refute
But no one listened to her dispute,
And God passed judgment, without fair trial,
And unto woman, punishment vile.
And so you see the reason why
I say our history ’s a lie.
The fall of our humanity
Lies in the mismatched destiny
Of a woman who was wise
And a man who told great lies,
Without a brain in his scull,
Just the one he likes to pull!
Paradise Lust (A Passion Play)
Pressure Cooker
Shall I bake my way into your heart -
Queen of Tarts from the top shelf,
Wrap the apron strings tight around my curves,
Let the juice of my fruits ooze for you.
Shall I wash your dirty laundry -
Iron the creases from your life,
Sort your socks and darn your
life into a tidy seamless fit.
Shall I earn my own living for you -
Bang my head on invisible ceilings,
Press my face against the cold glass,
Carve myself up on the cutting room floor.
Shall I turn up the heat in this hothouse -
Tenderise my meat til it’s bloody and rare,
Roast my soul on your wooden spit,
Slice myself thinly on the cracked plate.
Shall I split myself in two for you -
Produce the perfect heir to the throne,
Come home and bake a scone
in the brief case of my life.
Shall I smile at my sweet success -
Superficial smile – superwoman stress -
Desk-ridden Diva and Domestic Goddess -
Prematurely grey in my Martha Stewart dress.
